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Friday, July 23, 2010

A Hot Chick Named Evo

So, I’ve been meaning to update the blog for a good while now with no success. Besides being beyond swamped, I’ve really been toying with what to write about. I feel like I have a backlog of freakish candidate stories that I need to write, plenty of more stuff to make fun of my mom for (as she is a cornucopia of technology-related stupidity)…and then I have this little gadget called the Evo (I’m sure maybe a few of you have heard of it…) that I wanted to write about, too. I’ve been dying to write a review (from a “normal” person’s point of view) on the Evo but I was completely stumped with the approach I wanted to take. For those that know me, know I hate doing anything “by the books” and if there isn’t an opportunity for me to make fun of something/someone, I’m typically not too jazzed to do it. So, for a few weeks, I’ve been completely S.O.L.

The fact that I even got an Evo is hard to believe. Not because I doubt the Droid platform, mind you, butbecause I am friggin’ lazy and for the past three years, I have been walking around with the old school phone from Saved By The Bell (ok, so it wasn’t that bad…but it was a Treo 700p so….). It became the running joke in my little technology circle that I couldn’t call myself a true geek because my phone was so incredibly lame. Not only was it old, it was heavy, it was slow, the browsing capabilities SUCKED, the camera (1.3 megapixel) was almost as bad as a disposable, and honestly, it was just embarrassing to be seen with. There were several times where I almost upgraded (and joined the 21st century) but being the impatient person that I am, I always got ticked off at Sprint and hung up on them, leaving me with the brick once again. I finally had my mobile epiphany when I was sitting on BART. I was tinkering around on my ridiculously large phone and I just looked down….and realized that my phone could seriously double for the handset for a remote control car. At that moment, I had a breakdown. I quickly crammed that damn phone in my purse, mentally broke up with it, and placed my order for the new Droid, my sweet little Evo, the next day. Now, I still had to wait a month to get it, but words cannot describe the feeling of freedom that washed over me (similar to my divorce, but WAY better) when I knew my days with the Treo were numbered.

Life after Treo has been interesting and for the most part, pretty decent. There are a few times it gets a little mouthy and wants to do its own thing (AKA freeze), the battery life isn’t the hottest thing around, and the front-facing camera is a little awkward (especially when you love to take pictures of yourself like me), but other than that, I have been pretty happy with our sexy mobile love affair.

That is, until, I took the Evo on its very first vacation to Crater Lake and it started to act like a complete jerk. I knew ahead of time I wasn’t going to have cell reception but I brought the Evo anyway because I was dying to really test out the camera (8 megapixels) and take pictures. Our trip started out good enough and for the first 12 hours of so; the Evo seemed to be enjoying its time in the wilderness. It was gracious enough to let me take picture after picture, take a quick little video, and really get to know its media capabilities (which are great). We explored the area for the first day and settled into our campsite at night and sat down in front of the fire to review our pictures from the first day…and that is when crap hit the fan. Maybe the Evo was cranky, maybe it was tired, hungry, or just didn’t like all of the mosquitoes, but it threw a mobile tantrum. Not only would the Evo not let me view my pictures, when I finally did get it to work (after restarting seven freakin’ times), it had completely rearranged my pictures so I had no earthly idea what we were looking at and when they were taken. This craptastic behavior lasted the entire evening…and really set the tone for the entire trip.

We went for a hike the following day to the highest peak in all of Crater Lake and the views were amazing; unfortunately the Evo didn’t really want to capture them consistently. In order to take a picture, I had to take the picture (sometimes I got lucky and was able to take five in a row), reboot the phone, snap another picture, reboot….you get the idea. If the phone wasn’t so damn pretty I would have thrown it off the side of the mountain, but alas, its good looks came to the rescue. In any event, this really got me thinking about my Treo and comparing it to the Evo, and then because I think like a dude, comparing both of the phones to women-the Treo was just an average girl and the Evo is the hot chick that everyone covets.

With the Treo, you know exactly what you are getting. The woman version of the Treo is probably a little over five feet tall, maybe a buck thirty or so, mousy brown hair, decent features, straight (enough) teeth, average cup size…nothing remarkable, but you know exactly what you are walking into. She probably wears no makeup and buys her clothes at Costco. Now, the Evo, on the other hand, is freaking hot. She is so hot that all of your buddies try to hit on her as soon as you get up to go to the bathroom. She is so hot that she watches sports, can kick your ass in Fantasy Football, has a biting wit, graduated from Harvard (but doesn’t rub it in), is outdoorsy, can burp the alphabet, all while maintaining her female sex appeal. And her boobs are huge. (Or she has a nice butt, if that is your poison.) She keeps you on your toes and you don’t know what to expect, but you have an idea, and you want it. Now, any guy is going to chose the hottie (Evo) over the frump (Treo). So, that is what you do…and then you get the Evo home and realizes that she stuffs her bra. And is actually a dude.

That’s how I feel right now. I can’t honestly say that I’d go back to the Treo but I do miss the consistency. At least with the Treo, I knew what I was getting. I knew that I’d barely be able to call my mom, I knew that the pictures would suck, and I knew it wasn’t the hottest thing to look at, and depending on where I was, I didn’t necessarily want to bring it around for others to see. I was hot for the Evo. I carried that thing EVERYWHERE, for EVERYONE to see, just so they’d know I got the hot item. (Modesty is not one of my finer qualities.) I talked to people about it. I freaking interrupted strangers conversations in bars and elevators just so I could talk to them about the Evo and show off a little. And then, when I pulled down the covers (…took off the bra for all of you dudes out there), I was not impressed. When it does want to work, the picture quality is great, but the Evo is so moody I never know what I’m getting. Maybe I just got a bad egg, which I’m sure is quite possible, but after Evo’s first vacation, I’m kind of over it and think a breakup might be on the horizon.

Maybe. That kickstand IS sexy.